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Monday, January 08, 2007

More Monday musing

When I visualize myself in the past, it is usually as if I am watching myself in action from a few feet above or front. I wonder if this has any significance....

I also visualize myself - probably since I was born , when the ego kicked in- to be the one who can do no wrong, that everyone should love and no-one should hate. The person who I love the most is Me, Myself , I. Consider all the good qualities in a person, and I feel that I have them. I do not need to state reality here, but I really am a mixed bag (like all) and some people like me and some don't. I wonder if you think of yourself in the same way? I think such a belief stems from me, my awareness, my atman that is the light burning perpetually inside, and its deep connection with God. That I am God. Inherently the atman is pure and unpolluted....

I cannot help but wonder how my thought process would change once I move onto the next life. Will I still carry forward some of the worries e.g finishing up piled up tasks on the TO DO list in the after life too? Or will that vanish completely from my thoughts pattern? So why can't I try to get to that thought pattern now?

And if I my body is going to perish one day, and not be able to carry any of my material possessions except my karma, then why do I struggle so much dealing with inconsequential matters.

And I wonder if I could really join Shiva's gang, and live like him - the perpetual hermit. I would love to feel the love of Shiva for an instant of a second. This love would superscede any kind of love that I have experienced or given. I try to imagine what this love could be like? My imagination escapes me, it is to be truly experienced and I try to focus on that sometimes during my meditation. This instant of a second - if I got to experience it - would help me through a million earthly lives with not a craving for moksha - as long as I can feel the deep rooted connection between God and I - I guess that itself is MOKSHA. Something tells me it is out there - somewhere closeby, but it is for me to go find out. I feel like Jack Pallance in City Slickers now.

Why am I so attached to NOT becoming the recluse but the successful urban guy? Why do I have the inner urge to be perceived successful and charming and witty and all that worldy traits that I may not have? I do feel that if I am to experience His love, everything else will fade to insignificance. Which is to say, that having found my atman, having gotten in touch with my awareness, I wouldn't mind being the recluse hermit, the hermits of the Ardh Kumbh Mela.

Hmm.....I think being the recluse hermit takes a lot of guts - lot more than I can ever fathom - so that by itself would be a pretty good achievement.

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Welcome to the spirituality blog

This blog is an offshoot of a website that I had conceived as a result of the spiritual grace and resultant inspiration during Shivaratri Y2K (http://www.jyotirlinga.com) on the joy of Shiva Bhakti and my quest for spiritual progress. Not finding the time (yep, bad excuse!), this blog suits me fine in quickly adding content... my spiritual forays and thoughts - helps log them too. My spiritual journey started with Hinduism and it's simple stories/ teachings as far back as when I was a 2nd grader, with Lord Shiva and has now found convergence with Advaitism / Duality. The Advaitism gurus like Bhagwan Ramana Maharishi, Nisargadatta Maharaj; they have provided that spiritual boost of energy in many lagging moments and have tremendously influenced me ... little baby steps at a time... that will hopefully all lead upto a final crescendo. The merits of satsangh are many!

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