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Friday, November 16, 2007

Getting sucked into the vortex of life ...and...

So, as it turned out, this blog went into a hiatus.
And, there wasn't anything tangible for me to blog....as I thought about Osho's teachings, ruminating it. Imitating Osho as he speaks to the Oregon police officer, trying to give Osho a speeding ticket.
Life, threw a few curve balls, nothing fancy, and I was just busy, chasing my tail. I have saved a few pages on Firefox (which I never lose due to the RESTORE feature) and I intend reading about it, but there are other things that take priority. My quest for spirituality is #1, but neverthless....

And last night, I finally got two of Osho's tapes from the library. He has a very unique accent, that is fun to listen to. The sound of the Koyal in the Pune ashram, transports me back in time, to the time of the incorrect mystic. I was truly spell bound by Osho a couple weeks ago, haven't seen anyone faint and lose consciousness in front of anyone - like his video shows, people losing it.... Truly amazing! My spiritual thoughts revolves around Shiva, Ramana, Osho, Ramdev and I am stuck in a snakes and ladder game, the evolution seems to forever lead to a regression. But, Ramana is encouraging, as he said, "How do you know that you are not making progress". But, a sign would be helpful.

And this morning, as I drove down to the city, mouthing the mantras, it dawned upon me that the mind is hyperactive, running at 1000 mph, I am driving at 80 mph, and the spirituality has just sunk in a black hole. Whats the point of all this? Was I doing an Osho - shirking my spiritual responsibilities? Not quiet, don't think I have the aukat- as they say. But, as I recited the OM NAMAH shivay mantra, I started dwelling upon Shivjee - his kamandal, his matted locks, tiger skin, third eye, the rudraksha beads, Parvati maa (and there is always a thought that how beautiful she must be - and how I would handle that, perhaps if I saw her), Nandi, and I imagine Shiva with his begging bowl, and Ramana with his begging bowl (and I just have a tough time imagine myself with a begging bowl - I couldn't handle it, which basically means Moksha ain't for me in this life). And I dwell upon Shiva's paduka - the kind that hermits wear - and I think it would be cool. And from time to time I have to pay attention to the road, and sometimes I am distracted with a chain of thoughts of the past and of the future, planning, scheming, debating, but eventually I get back to thinking about Shiva. So my parrot like recitation of the Shiva mantra is not entirely wasted today I think. And I am a bit overwhelmed on why Shiva has left me out in this big bad world. And that I couldn;t handle another life. In fact, my life ain't that bad, but I just want to get out and feel the magnanimity of moksha, and I know there is lot more than the inhibitions of this body. As Osho says, only Kings can afford to become Buddha, Mahavira was a king, Krishna was a King- and if I had a begging bowl in hand, spirituality would be pretty much hosed. The question of a meal versus prayers - I know what is going to take precedence. And I think back to the hermit at Kedarnath, standing forlon as the shops are shutting down - he is hungry, and this fake spiritualist looking for bargain shopping, swells up with pride as he hands Rs.10 to this hungry hermit. But the hermit grumbles gently that he would need Rs.40 for dinner and he is hungry. and this fake spiritualist, gently takes away the Rs.10 from his hands - full of haughtiness and arrogance - that the Gods will not forgive him for the next 10 lives - and I will have to live with that. It makes me terribly guilty thinking about it. The hermit just maintains the sad face, does not complain. The picture of him is stuck to my heart.

And I think of many other inane things, but I always come back to Shiva. I wonder if Shiva is the path to moksha, why isn't the world aware of the merits of Shiva worship. And I imagine Shiva and his ash body, sitting in the lotus mudra. I imagine myself touching his feet asking for his blessings. But I don't get a response and it saddens me a lot. I imagine Hanuman wrapped in a red piece of cloth, watching over me stern faced as I drive. He towers high above the freeway. I imagine Lord Shiva, how the universe stems from him, and it is amazing, why I don't do this more often. Lord Shiva is a parent who is always there, a child forgets the parent as he gets busy with life, but the parent is always there and the parent will never ever get annoyed with the child. Just like my dad never gets annoyed with me. Well he does, but it is all forgotten the next time I talk to him. And so is Shiva. I forget about him, but he does not hold any grudges and just listens to me the next time I start talking to him. I have no fear. I know he is always there, and his wrath is something that I need not ever fear. Don't know why, but I just seem to have that confidence.

I am terribly late for the meeting, as I get stuck in city construction. But that is scant concern. The OM NAMAH SHIVAY mantra continues. I park, take the elevator to my meeting and I am about 15-20 minutes late. But the meeting hasn't started....

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Welcome to the spirituality blog

This blog is an offshoot of a website that I had conceived as a result of the spiritual grace and resultant inspiration during Shivaratri Y2K (http://www.jyotirlinga.com) on the joy of Shiva Bhakti and my quest for spiritual progress. Not finding the time (yep, bad excuse!), this blog suits me fine in quickly adding content... my spiritual forays and thoughts - helps log them too. My spiritual journey started with Hinduism and it's simple stories/ teachings as far back as when I was a 2nd grader, with Lord Shiva and has now found convergence with Advaitism / Duality. The Advaitism gurus like Bhagwan Ramana Maharishi, Nisargadatta Maharaj; they have provided that spiritual boost of energy in many lagging moments and have tremendously influenced me ... little baby steps at a time... that will hopefully all lead upto a final crescendo. The merits of satsangh are many!

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