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Monday, June 09, 2008

An evening with Ammachi



Spent last evening in satsangh with Ammachi in San Ramon. It is a pleasurable experience as always. This time around, I tried to observe myself amidst the satsangh and couldn't help but observe the other bhaktas who had joined her from far and wide. The ambience is ultra perfect as usual, the translation goes awry like usual, and this time around I have a Malayali gentelman who lends credence to my belief.

During the darshan phase, I observe the hopefuly eyes of people hoping for miracles - the ones who hope for a spiritual kick (been there, done that) and the other hopefuls who hope to find a solution to life's grappling issues. The sinking strawmen searching for that single twig to float upon. And my heart reaches out to them, miracles don't happen overnight, and hopefully they will find something within their own abyss. Ammachi hugs me and she is in conversation and is a bit distracted, and I start to feel a bit cheated, I wonder if there is a negative energy about me, whether I didn't practise the mantra that Ammachi gave me, and suddenly she focuses upon me, I can hear her say her usual things, and then as I start to get up, she holds my chin and looks at me with a lot of love, just like a mother looks at her son. Things are just fine for me :-). This time around I don't ask my standard question and she does not ask me to sit on the side. I get the prasadam and insert into the jacket pocket which leaves a fragrance in my jacket for days.

I notice some of the renounciates, who travel with her and live in the ashram, do seva and seems to have a passionate fervor about all things Ammachi. The thought that one day I might do the same and give up everything that is so very important for me in this illusory world of mine, scares me. How would it be really be - to give up the comfort of my home, my friends, my work, family and be out globe-trotting with Amma? I observe some of these folks and wonder if they have gotten the chance to be enlightened or is this going to be waiting and biding your time - perhaps in the next life after doing all the seva this life, and cleansing off the bad aura?

The caucasian population of Marine County nouveau and otherwise rich throng part of the crowd, wearing the khadi cotton clothes, with a totally serious look and feel - an obsession to achieve moksha - that drives them on, having had the comfort of the family money that has rendered everythign about life meaningless, except the ONE thing. I stand in the food line and hear them nonchalantly talk about their family wealth, never flaunting it, but just matter-of-fact discussion and what they have done in the last few years with Ammachi.

I usually relish the food and enjoy it immensely. There was something missing this year. I finish up and get back onto the freeway - another year of Amma darshan done. Life is just a rigmarole and I am being sucked into the vertex daily.

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Welcome to the spirituality blog






This blog is an offshoot of a website that I had conceived as a result of the spiritual grace and resultant inspiration during Shivaratri Y2K (http://www.jyotirlinga.com) on the joy of Shiva Bhakti and my quest for spiritual progress. Not finding the time (yep, bad excuse!), this blog suits me fine in quickly adding content... my spiritual forays and thoughts - helps log them too. My spiritual journey started with Hinduism and it's simple stories/ teachings as far back as when I was a 2nd grader, with Lord Shiva and has now found convergence with Advaitism / Duality. The Advaitism gurus like Bhagwan Ramana Maharishi, Nisargadatta Maharaj; they have provided that spiritual boost of energy in many lagging moments and have tremendously influenced me ... little baby steps at a time... that will hopefully all lead upto a final crescendo. The merits of satsangh are many!

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